A Voice

What does it mean to have a voice?  To know that what we say can impact people.  As a woman, my voice hasn't often been heard.  I haven't felt seen unless for all the wrong reasons, making me feel used, little and less than.  As a woman in recovery, it is so uncomfortable to learn how to speak again.  Denying my voice for so long has made it where my throat tightens up, the sound just doesn't want to come out of my mouth.  There is a lump that I can't get to diminish.  Now that all of the other obstacles of addiction and prostitution are out of the way, conquered and in the past, now the only obstacle left to face is that of my own voice.  How does it work?  Do I just open my mouth and speak?  Can what I say really have meaning?  Is anything  I speak worthy for others to hear?  How do I share the suffering and beauty of my life?
I am scared, uncertain, and fear wells up in the pit of my stomach.  I cry.  I scream.  I choke.  I can't eat.  I walk to the front of the room, step up on the stage, and the words start to spill out.  I can hear the fear and trembling in my voice as I share the deepest darkest parts of my soul, who I am, where I come from.  A story unique only to me but shared by almost every single addict on the planet.  How can it be?  I am not the only one.  I am unique but belong all at the same time.  
People approach me after.  How my story affected them, brought to light the passion and intensity of addiction, suffering, abuse, yet still overcoming, still becoming free, still full of joy.  It doesn't even hit me until well after the event.  I can't believe I just stood in front of hundreds of people including the mayor and talked about being abused and a prostitute and it was heard in a positive light?  How is this my life?  How can I have lived through these things and have a great life even after?  
But God...Jesus saved my life.  He picked me up when I was lost and broken and has created something impossible.  But with God, all things are possible.  How can God show up for you today?  I know without a doubt that if He can save my life, He can save yours as well.  The real question is, Will you let Him?
If you are willing, give me a shout and let's have a conversation with Christ today.  Answering the 2 most important questions of your life, Who am I and why am I here?  Find your purpose and testimony, find the message in the middle of the mess.  We are here to help.
​ONEsource Transformational Team